I feel that this place has became my dustbin
I threw the thrash of bad feeling here
Not that I do not have sweet memory, but it is really easy to convert them...
as if to a big smile, with a happy face, a light-hearted girl
So I forget to write it here
I have already stored them in my heart, instead of writing down here
(erm.. basically I am making up excuse for being lazy)
Everything is so f*ing wrong today
Do not be surprised on how harsh I am now
I dunno when have I changed
But maybe loneliness have really turn me upside down
Sometimes it might really kill people
And when the only place that I cling for support is not available too.....
( What the heck is the background voice in the phone and I am here knowing nothing,
feeling helpless)
Will there be one day that I would rather stay here alone instead of going back to the safety harbor?
I think that improvement is good but revolution will shift something permanently,
( I really wish I am exaggerating)
But why do I fear that instead of moving towards a better way, something is definitely fading away, will it be so much that someday my small cozy place that i belong to collapse too?
When I was so happy over my achievement with only a considerably small tainted spot
cruel reality shatter my dreamland
There are others doing better, being on top of you that it is unreachable
And what a loser I am,
indulging in disguise happiness, being proud over something that is pathetically small
Loser--- as if not being the worst, but do not know how bad I was
My pride hurts, in a way that it never is
Even though nobody is humiliating me...
Now, i know self humiliation is the greatest thing to torture my pride
Even though I keep assuring myself I just have to try my best
but the feeling of being the average among the good
Being lifeless in supposedly busy life
I really feel like A-level is not my cup of tea
A scholar-me is not an identity that I deserve,
I would like to be a normal girl that bear nothing at all,
I do not want to bear the burden of feeling ashamed when I admit that I was a scholar that couldn t afford having the name and fact
that I am not outstanding at all yet still wasting tax-payers money
I am not strong enough
and the comfort that I seek for
the place that I can strongly ask from
seems like it is not available today
and sake know how long will it be unavailable
Perhaps I am really demanding
Perhaps I should stop being childish
Perhaps I should just grow up and think over my problem by myself
Perhaps I should just face all this without expecting anyone else
Because this is called life + being a grown up
But all that perhaps makes no sense at all on this damnest day~
